Feeling overwhelmed by work and family responsibilities? Don't lose sight of your relationships
After a long day of work or caring for family, all many of us want to do is rest or indulge in low-effort entertainment. Nurturing new and old relationships does require some effort. You need to think about what you want to say, and then be part of the follow up discussion. But do you have the energy to do so? Are you actually prepared to make plans if that comes up?
I was conducting some interviews for FriendApp recently, and I spoke with a former colleague who had become overwhelmed with her work the past few years (she eventually left). I asked her if during that time she reached out to her friends. She said rarely, her energy was sapped. Her health was struggling. Between work and family, her next priority was simply rest.
I found it very interesting that when we might need our support network the most, we shut off. And here’s the vicious cycle I see. People that could actually invigorate us, and give us advice to handle the stress of life, won’t even have the opportunity to, if we’re too “busy”.
According to data from the Survey Center of American Life, in 1990, 26% of adults turned to a friend first for advice for personal issues. In 2021, that number had declined to 16%. Take a moment to reflect on who you reach out to when something big is going on in your life.
Social media seems incredibly easy - open an app, scroll until something catches your attention, leave a quick comment, or tap to 'like'. Streaming platforms like Netflix recommend content tailored to your tastes, allowing you to retreat into a personal bubble. However, real relationship nurturing involves more than just 'liking' a post. It requires keeping someone in mind, checking in with them, and spending quality time together every now and then. This effort, though it might seem challenging amidst our busy lives, is what allows us to have a true support network.
While social apps have made it easier for us to maintain connections worldwide, they could be a contributing factor to why we have fewer 'close' friends compared to 30 years ago.
The graph above may not appear that glum, but 12% of adults reporting that they have no close friends is significant. That equates to 31 million US adults reporting they have 0 close friends. That is roughly 6x the 5.5 million US adults with 0 close friends in 1990. Also note that the data does not look at where your friends live, and undoubtedly, they are more scattered vs. 30 years ago.
I think it’s important to question periodically if we should invest more in friends that live a little closer, and who align more with our current interests or stage in life. When we move, do we consider how many people we know in our 5-10 minute radius? Do we think about who are the people who generally make us laugh (and find us amusing)?
Most of us know that relationships are important, and many of us can reconnect with old friends and cherish that time together. But as we grow older, and our lives change, we also need to think about who are the people that we will share new experiences with, and support us in our busy lives. If you’re feeling too busy to see friends, perhaps you should carve out some time every week to think of at least 3 people who live nearby, with whom you would wish to build a stronger connection. Setting the intention can be an important step to growing those ties.
I’d be curious to hear more about what are your obstacles in reaching out to people. Are you satisfied with how you approach your local social circle? Please leave a comment, or message me :)